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Dr. Don Fava
Administrator Diver
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Posted: Saturday Aug 14th, 2004 04:56 AM |
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Apologies again for being out of commission. You may find some typos ....am trying to go high speed. It is taking longer than I expected......but am half way through.....many cannot remember dates or titles and I have to do a lot of searching...I did not expect that.....Thanks for hanging in.............Lets get to it....I am making answers a bit shorter to catch up but in two weeks if you need more input feel free to PM me.........
Excuse, but I deleted the post that I felt was not consistent with this board. We are about careing for each other not scolding or belittling each other........It is not acceptable for others to make judgments of a negative nature about members.....period.....
Now, your situation.......In thirty years of practice I have seen very, very few "open" relationships work. Sorry for the bad news...However, there is something else I think is happening here and it has to do with control......Husband sees woman on the side, but feels he must limit wife's much safer relationship with you. Several possibilities. He fears loss of control over wife, or fears abandonment due to her developing stronger feelings of love for you. It is the latter, stronger love feelings, that always screw up open relationships. One or the other partner ends up feeling betrayed, abandoned and hurt and the whole thing often becomes a disaster. Many are hurt when this occurs.
I cannot tell you how to make this work. As I said, the odds are against it working. If it does work consider yourself very fortunate. Hop a plane to Vegas and gamble.....your luck is beating the odds.....My gut feeling is that if what you perceive is true......she is more attached to you......then this may turn into a relationship between just you and her. But then the question is would it last......for ex. if husband gets fed up and leaves.....she stays with you. However, she feels the need for a man......by her own admission...I have seen many "bisexuals" declare themselves homosexual after a period of playing both sides....but this is not guaranteed. How would you feel being the husband.....with her having various men on the side....It is a likely possibility. Of course, her connection to husband will be the determining factor here. And husbands connection to her too. And, your level of tolerance........
If you need more input ....wait about two weeks and PM me.....things should be normal here by then......
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sincitychains
Member
| Joined: | Tuesday Jul 6th, 2004 |
| Location: | Las Vegas, USA |
| Posts: | 7 |
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Posted: Sunday Jul 25th, 2004 04:08 PM |
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| Yeah um....no.
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sincitychains
Member
| Joined: | Tuesday Jul 6th, 2004 |
| Location: | Las Vegas, USA |
| Posts: | 7 |
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Offline
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Posted: Tuesday Jul 6th, 2004 10:13 PM |
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Hello. I am 22 years old. I am a lesbian. I don't like labels, but if I had to, I would consider myself butch. About 4 months ago I met an amazing woman. She is married and was up front about it from the very start. Her husband and her have almost 7 years under their belt, naturally, they live together. Neither one of us ever expected to fall in love with each other like we have. She considers herself a true bisexual. "TRUE" meaning that she cannot, under any circumstances, be in a monogamous realationship with one person. She explains that if she is with a man only, she feels like a part of something is missing and vice versa with a woman. She is lucky enough to have a man who understands this and allows her to pursue women. Up until she met me, she had never been in love with a woman, and on a regular basis utilized women for sexual reasons, other than emotional ones. Since she has been with me, she says she doesn't want to be with anyone else besides her husband and me. Another thing I might add is that she really avoids sex with her husband as much as she can. She loves him to death and wants to have both relationships, but 14 out of 15 times, does not enjoy sex with him at all and enjoys sex with me much more. Everyone tells her and I that it this situation is not possible and that she has to choose. If she had to choose, she would be unhappy with either decision. I am willing to continue this relationship with her because I believe she is the one for me. He will not leave her or ask her to choose because he believes that she is the one for him. The husband and I get along great. Although, we have differences when it comes to the amount of time we get to spend with our woman. I get one night a week (for her to spend the night). We have college classes together which does give us time together, but we are not able to express our affection in a classroom full of students. She spends Thurs-Sun with her husband and most days, after school, goes home to spend time with him a few hours after we get out of class. This is not always by choice. She says she wants to spend more time with me, but lately her husband has been complaining about her not being around enough. She is concerned that he will get fed up or that their relationship will dwindle if she doesn't give him what he wants. I am able to work with all of this, as long as she spends 35-40% of the time with me. In addition to all this, I think that some valuble information to know would be that her husband also has a few other women he sleeps with and spends time with on the side. Assuming that everything she says to me is true, and taking to heart that these are serious relationships. and not some "silly love triangle" my question to you is: (other than her having to choose one of us) How in the world can we make this work? She says that I am very patient and very understanding with the whole situation. I think that the husband is demanding more time than he should be, especially knowing that his wife is carrying on a separate relationship. What can we do to be happy? All of us.
Thank you!
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